The Way Thinga Should Be
by Caerylin
Summary: a Finn-Kate fic... give it a chance =)


I tossed and turned all night in bed

I tossed and turned all night in bed. I couldn't get his face out of my head. Those beautiful blue-green eyes, that ruffled hairstyle that suited him so much, the cheeky smile that played upon his sweet lips whenever he knew I wasn't telling the truth, His muscular body, built by years of crew practice, both here at Rawley and from when he was at Harvard. Everything about him echoed in my head, and I semi-consciously hoped that his name wouldn't escape as a passionate mumble as I slept. The night was unbearable. Morning finally came, and I woke up with a start. Beads of sweat glistened on my merely covered body sending a chill over my hot flesh. I sat up in bed and gingerly ran my fingers through my tangled hair, which had come loose sometime during the night. I glanced over at the clock, noticing that it was already 7:45 I forced myself to walk to the bathroom. I had to do something to get him out of my head. 

I started the shower, and locked the bathroom door I knew Steven wouldn't come in. He'd left for Rawley at 6am, like he did everyday. Sometimes I wondered why he married me, and not the school. Gradually I peeled my clothes off and threw them in the corner of the bathroom. Sighing I wondered how it was possible that I was totally exhausted and yet the day hadn't started. I opened the shower door and hopped in. The cold water shot a bolt of electricity through my body and I fell gently back against the wall of the shower letting the cold spray slowly numb my body. It felt surprisingly good. I'd never been one to believe in the 'cold shower' idea, but yet here I was trying to get him out of my head. Nothing made sense anymore. Everything that I had once believed in was just gone now. Turning around I pondered that thought. Maybe it wasn't so much gone, as different now. Even when Steven let me down I always had Hamilton. Unfortunately when Steven let Hamilton down it wasn't such an easy fix situation. I ran my fingers through my hair again, as I leant into the shower spray, adjusting the temperature a little so it wasn't quite so harsh. The water droplets collided and sent a continuous stream of water over my face. My eyes flickered closed as the water threatened to enter them, but it served very little purpose because my tears fell with the water and continued down over my soft lips leaving a salty taste that wouldn't leave. It was normal. That bitter salty taste. It came with the territory of my life now. My life with Steven. I rested my head against the glass door or the shower. My hand reached up and I ran my fingers over the shattered pattern that was imprinted on the door. Shattered. My thoughts ran to Hamilton and Jacqueline. Hamilton had come to me after they were interrupted in the showers. He thought it best to hear it from me. Steven never found out. I knew I shouldn't lie to him anymore than I had already, but I knew he would never let Jacqueline move to Rawley girls, and I certainly wasn't going to break up something in Hamilton's life which id been looking for all of mine. I run pictures through my mind of them together as I remember what Hamilton said to me a few nights before

.

#Flashback#

"mom…" Hamilton murmured sleepily

"Yeah munchie?" I slowly patted his hair, wondering when he'd grown up so much.

"I Love Jake." I smiled. He continued to call her that

"Yeah I know baby."

"I hope you get to love someone like this one day" My hand stopped and I looked at him wide-eyed. I managed a strangled laugh

"Of course I do baby. I have your dad." Hamilton opened one eye and weakly shook his head.

"It's not the same mom. Not like me and Jake. Not like us…." Hamilton slowly drifted off to sleep. I sat at his bedside for a couple hours, running his words over and over in my head. For so long I'd been playing 'happy families' and in the end it wasn't accounting for much at all.

#end Flashback#

I'd gone to him the next day, with Hamilton's words in my head. Ready to tell him the truth, but when I got there we just got into an argument over something stupid. I came home, and Steven wasn't there. As per usual. Hamilton asked if I was ok, and I tried to laugh it off and tell him I was fine, but I ended up crying on his shoulder. Hamilton seemed to understand without me even explaining. I wondered how he'd take it if he knew it was over another man. 

I decided enough was enough and climbed out of the shower, wrapping a large fluffy towel around me I smiled at its soft touch. So different from the harshness of the cold water which had been washing over my body for… god knows how long. I put a hand to my face as I tried to brush my hair into some sort of style. I was greeted with a thousand tiny daggers stabbing at me. I hadn't realized how cold my hand was. Or perhaps it was my body in general. I decided it wasn't important, avoided everything on my list of 'morning things to do', threw some clothes on andwalked out of the bathroom. I rounded the corner back into my bedroom and let out a scream as I saw someone in front of me. I could feel my heart in my throat and my breathing was labored. My eyes started to focus, and it became a familiar face in front of me. Those pools of eyes, the sheepish smile he was wearing, the 'I just got out of bed' hair style, even the glasses that sat on his nose a little lower than they should. I slowly felt a smile coming to my lips as I realized he stood in front of me. I wondered if he'd known that I was thinking… dreaming… about him. He smiled.

"Sorry Kate. Didn't mean to scare you. Hamilton let me in as he was going, and said u were probably still in bed." The look on his face made him look like a four-year old who'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Quite frankly. It was gorgeous. I found my eyes unwillingly wandering over his body. I grabbed all the strength I could and pulled my eyes to the curtains hanging over my window.

"It's fine Michael… But what are you doing here?" I hoped it didn't come out as grumpy sounding as I thought it did, but as his smile faded, and a look of sadness crossed his eyes I realized that it had. I looked away again as I mumbled "sorry" but for once he didn't let it go.

"Kate, what's going on? I don't understand it, and I'm not going to pretend anymore that I do." I forced myself to look at him. The look on his face wasn't one of anger, or of hurt, although both were there a little, but it was confusion. It shone out of his eyes, casting a blue haze over things to present them the way he saw them.

I shook my head. I couldn't answer the questions he had. I had to leave before something went wrong. "I… I have to get going to school. I've got to organize some new students today. You know a woman's work is never done. Busy Busy Busy that's me. So I'd love to stay and chat but I've got to go, as I said… so… bye." I backed out the door hoping he wouldn't say anything to stop me. I got halfway down the stairs when I heard his voice behind me.

On my own, I am more than alone   
And less than discontent   
As what I thought I held fast on   
Slips out of my grip   
I am as I began   
A little more than half a man 

Chasing a dream that was never mine  
Hoping to escape the prison within my mind 

**poem written by **Alphonso Dryer

** **

I turned to face him, trying to understand the words he had recited to me. It wasn't his usual style. It wasn't Shakespeare, or any other dead literary great, at least none that I knew of.

"Don't leave me Kate. Please." He started down the stairs towards me. I didn't move. Instead I waited for him to come to me. I wanted him to. I wanted to fall into his arms, and never let him go. Even the sound of his voice made me helpless to do anything. "I can handle Steven. I can handle Hamilton if I have to. I've been trying so hard to let it all go. But I don't want to be alone anymore…" He reached me and circled his arms around my waist. I stood still. Afraid to breathe. "Kate... I want you. I want to have that stupid grin on my face that Hamilton walks around with after he's been with Jake…." He lifted his hand up to my face and slowly dragging it down the side of my face he continued. "I don't want you to have this sadness in your eyes anymore Kate… It's been there too long." His words fell into a whisper as the tears started to fall from my eyes once more. "Let me love you Katie…" I collapsed against him, sobbing. He used to call me Katie all the time. I hated anyone else calling me that but with him it seemed so natural. Everything about him seemed natural. He ran his hand over my hair as I clung to him, both of us sinking down until we were stopped by the stair we were on. Once I calmed down a little, I forced myself to sit up. "We can't do it Michael, it's just too hard. I… I don't know how to act anymore. We're not like Hamilton. He's so young, and so in love. It's just not us." I was constantly shaking my head, trying to convince myself, perhaps more than I was trying to convince him. He looked at me. The look that crossed his face was so hard to explain. His eyes took on a certain shine to them. He leant towards me slowly, his arms still circling my waist. His lips came closer to mine, my heart leaped back into my throat and my breathing became labored again, but I realized his was too. I reached my hand up and placed it on his neck, surprised at the heat I felt. I felt his lips softly brush mine and I knew that was exactly where I wanted to be. In that second there was no questions, no problems, just Michael and I sitting in the middle of my staircase sharing a kiss, which was becoming more and more passionate. All of a sudden, I couldn't get close enough to him. I pushed closer to him, and deepened the kiss, and he responded with equal force. Finally out of breath I broke away first, both of us disappointed that such a perfect moment had to end. 

"I love you Katie." I smiled. Although Michael and I fighting our feelings was nothing new, it was the first time we'd gotten to this level. It was real now. He loved me and…

"I Love you too Michael." …I loved him. And strangely… Everything was going to be all right.


End file.
